My Mind vs My Heart (Part 3)

“I put my adventure shoes on, I was going to discover me.”

Now, that I was focusing on improving my life, I was slowly starting to put things in order. I was having more time for myself. I let all the people who didn’t serve me well out of my life. In this silence and loneliness, I was going to rest my head. I was taking this time for a long recovery because I was very broken.


In this recovery time of mine, I was meditating often. I started reading many books. I was reading two books in one week. I read many great authors From Eckhart Tolle to Robin Sharma, Gabrielle Bernstein to Dr.Wayne. All of these books helped me to see the beauty of our journeys. I could feel the harmonic motion now.

Starting this recovery was a wise decision that I’ve made for myself. During this calm time, I got to know myself a little better. Discovery to my soul unrevealed many colors of me. Now, I was understanding my qualities and how much I can achieve if I put my mind into it.


This discovery has led me to my true purpose. I’ve realized that I want to create for humanity. I want my job to allow me to do remarkable things for humanity. I dream of a job where I am joyful and creating for people. Because,I also want to take care of my spirit while I am doing my job and providing for my family. My body is going to die one day but my spirit won’t. I choose to heal my spirit through this body I was given. My body gives me life, life gives experience to my spirit. Therefore, I am grateful for my life. I am ready to find my heaven on earth.


I get it. Some days, they are not as bright, as others. Some days, fear falls into our hearts like fire. My mother describes that feeling as three cows sitting right on her chest. I still have those fear moments here and there but I don’t have it for every single thing now. I used to. However, even in those days, I learned to jump out of the bed. Because getting up from the bed was getting me closer to my dreams.

This spirit of mine, turned out to be an explorer. She turned out to be smart, hard-worker, and believer. I was hiding all my precious feelings inside me, to be normal, to be accepted. I don’t even remember the name of the person who I was trying to gain acceptance from.
Then why did I hide the real me?


Because I was scared to be a “loser”. I wanted to have it all. I wanted to be accepted and be normal. I was ok to live for others authorization. I held my spirit hostage in my body. If I didn’t surrender and accept myself in the first place, how could I let me out?

Now , I focus mostly on being a good person to myself and others. I am in comfort knowing that the rest will reveal to me with ease.

There is a magic in wanting to be a good person.

Open your heart and let the miracles flow.


The End
Millennial Hippie

My Mind vs My Heart (Part 2)

The only way to start solving a problem is being aware of the problem.

Two years after losing myself in a relationship again, I was finally waking up.

Slowly opening my eyes back to my reality…

It was painful at first. I didn’t want to face my reality,I just wanted to stay in my safety blankets.My safety blankets were giving me a lot of comfort. It ‘s like your alarm is going off but you don’t have any courage the leave your warm bed. I was right there my friend. But what if I stayed any longer? That option wasn’t even on the table. I was ready to face my fears. It was time to clear all of that fear juice has spilled to my heart, because that juice was poisonous for my precious heart.

When I started evaluating what has caused much fear in my heart, I questioned my childhood a lot, and one thing I could think off is how frequently I’ve lied to my peers.

At 13-14 years old, I found about lying. I became hooked to lying very quickly and didn’t quit for a long time.Lying was such an easy tool for me to ignore facing my peers and myself. I did that very frequently until about 21 years old. When It was the time to clean the my blocks, I wanted to teach myself how to stand in my own truth because of how much I desired the truth. I wanted to start practicing honesty more and more each day. I wanted to be honest to myself in every area of my life.

Because being honest to my self was the best gift I could give to myself at that moment.(to this day it still is.)

This time truth was the light. The light that would lead me to my unique journey and connect me back to my authentic self. If I wanted to be the most authentic version of myself, I had to stop lying to myself and to others.In the beginning of my journey, I was trying to be as accepting as possible with myself, because I didn’t want to scare myself away. Since, I was choosing to see the truth, I was trying to observe myself in every area of my life.

The first thing that got my attention was my eating habits. I was eating extremely big and unhealthy meals late nights.It was almost like I was hiding from my emotions with food.( a.k.a eating my emotions).

I decided to buy a scale. When the scale has arrived, I hopped on it with that fresh excitement of new purchase.When I saw the number on the scale, I wanted to scream. (It was almost the same feeling as taking a test and thinking you’ve done very well but you just found out that you have failed.). I didn’t believe it at first, I stepped down and back on it. I thought the scale was broken because this could’t be right! I stepped down again took all of my clothes and step back on it.

Nope, still the same weight. Now I had to fix both my honesty and my weight.

Being lost trying to decide what to do with my problems, I was walking at Barnes and Noble to find a cool reading, because I was done with the tv. While I was wondering around, this one book literally felt down from the shelve to my way. I looked at the book, and I was sold. This book was everything I needed at that time.( Still to this day , that book has always been an amazing guidance for me. I will make a blog post about the book soon.)

I started reading the book. It was giving me a lot of courage and self love I couldn’t find within me.This book clearly helped me to understand my blocks. With the help of this book, I was given a chance to look to life from a different perspective.

This new perspective was looking damn good on me. I was more positive towards myself. I wasn’t taking shit from anybody, literally no one.If somebody didn’t think I was cool enough they didn’t have to be around me. I was done living my life in that toxic circle with the people who didn’t think I was enough.

It was my time to decide If I was enough or not.

To be continued…

XOXO

The Millennial Hippie